


The light

by AllyBally



Series: A missing piece [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A Light in the Dark, Accident, Angst, Death, Friendship, Guiding, Haikyuu - Freeform, Help, Hurt/Comfort, Longing, Loss, Love, M/M, Memories, Sadness, Sorrow, Support, but not so much, moral support, sport, sunhine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2020-10-17 02:37:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20613575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllyBally/pseuds/AllyBally
Summary: The door was slammed open and a man came stumbling in to the gym. Silences echoed in the room when everyone stopped what they were doing to look at the man standing in the doorway. Suga noticed the pail face and started to worry. Something was wrong. Extremely wrong. Did someone hurt themselves? Did someone's family members end up in an accident? Did someone lose their grandparent? What could make Takeda go all pail like that? What was going on?Daichi motion everyone to gather around. All eyes were on Takeda with worrying expressions."Is everything okay Takeda?" Suga asked voicing everyone's thoughts. Takeda open his mouth to speak but no voice came out. His hands started to shake along with his lips. The silence was unbearable. There was a heaviness floating around that Suga didn't like. With a deep breath Takeda opened his mouth and spoke three words no one could ever imagine he would ever speak out loud.*The last chapter is up!*





	1. The news

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is ready for morning practice, but before that Takeda has some news, and not the good kind. Suga want’s it to be a prank but not really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my very first fan fiction so I hope that you guys will like it :)
> 
> EDIT: 5. October 2019

When Suga walked in to the gym Wednesday morning, dressed for volleyball practice he was expecting the sound of volleyballs hitting the ground, the squeaking sound of volleyball shoes and the sound of two boys bickering. He doesn’t hear any of that. What he is greeted with is Tanaka’s loud ‘Good morning Suga’ and Nishinoya’s ‘Ready to beat the king?’.

Suga open his mouth to give an answer, to tell them that this was only practice. No one is beating anyone, but Tanaka’s voice cut through before him. 

“Yeah! I’m going to smash through Tsukishima’s block today!” he shouted, pointing his thumb at himself and puffing out his chest looking like a proud father.

“Yeah!—" Nishinoya followed right after with stars in his eyes. “— and I’m going to receive a ball from Hinata and Kageyama’s famous super quick!”. The two wild beasts continued to shout about smashing, receiving, and braking through said three boys.

Suga shock his head while smiling. These guys never changed. Though – to his surprise – that couldn’t be said about three other boys…. Who he thought was abnormally quite today. By now he was expecting some remarks to Tanaka and Nishinoya’s comments.

Suga’s eyes scan the gym and noticed (surprisingly) that Hinata, Kageyama and Tsukishima was the only ones who hadn’t showed up to practice, something he found odd. Well, Tsukishima not showing up one could easily say that he was sick or having an appointment with the doctor, but for Hinata and Kageyama - who’s mind only lived for volleyball – could easily go to practice while being sick without a second thought, so a reason for them not to show up to practice was hard to find.

“Where is Hinata, Kageyama and Tsukishima?” Suga asked when he reach Daichi, who had started putting up the net.

“They haven’t texted you?” he asked worryingly, putting the pole into its whole on the floor.

Suga frown. “No, they haven’t.”

Daichi continued with tighten the nets metal thread to the pole. “According to Yamaguchi Tsukishima told him not to wait for him at their usual meeting spot so he walked to school alone today.” he said while taking the bottom thread around the pole and locking it with the other. He did the same with the one on top without stopping to look at Suga. “No one else have heard from Hinata and Kageyama.”

Suga started to worry. There were reasonable reasons for Tsukishima to not show up even though that didn’t happen often, but Hinata and Kageyama? Suga couldn’t help but worry. Those two wouldn’t skip practice even if a meteor was supposed to hit Japan. What reasonable reason could there be for them to not come to practice?

A hand on his shoulder pulled Suga out of his little mind rambling.

“Calm down Suga, they may have couth a flu or a fever or something, there is nothing to worry about. We’ll aske coach Ukai and Takeda if they have heard anything” Daichi said with a smile, like the captain he was. Suga took a deep breath and tried to relax his shoulders. He wasn’t completely convinced, but he put his worry’s as far back in his mind as possible and planted a smile on his face. It’ll work as an excuse for now. Daichi turned around and clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. Suga used this time to admire his back while everyone’s attention was on the captain.

“Okay everyone!” Daichi said. “Let’s start warming up while we wait for Coach Ukai.” Everyone answered with a loud ‘ yes sir’ before they all started jogging around the court. 

* * *

The door was slammed open and a man came stumbling in to the gym. Silences echoed in the room when everyone stopped what they were doing to look at the man standing in the doorway. Suga noticed the pail face and started to worry. Something was wrong. Extremely wrong. Did someone hurt themselves? Did someone’s family members end up in an accident? Did someone lose their grandparent? What could make Takeda go all pail like that? What was going on?

Daichi motion everyone to gather around. All eyes were on Takeda with worrying expressions. 

“Is everything okay Takeda?” Suga asked voicing everyone’s thoughts. Takeda open his mouth to speak but no voice came out. His hands started to shake along with his lips. The silence was unbearable. There was a heaviness floating around that Suga didn’t like. With a deep breath Takeda opened his mouth and spoke three words no one could ever imagine he would ever speak out loud.

“…Hinata is… dead…”

Suga’s body froze and his heart dropped 10 feet. Time stopped. No one said anything. Suga didn’t believe in the words. He didn’t believe in his own ears. Hinata? Dead? How? Why? When? ..What?.. There was no way that was true. Hinata had too much energy to die now. There was so much more to his life. He can’t be dead. He would come running in through those doors and shout “_Did you miss me?”_. They will all scold him for scaring them like that. He would scratch his neck saying he was sorry. Then they would continue with the practice. There was no way.

There was no way Takeda would join in on a prank like that, and there was no way Hinata would ever pull a prank that harsh. He was to kind. To warm. Hinata wasn’t ready to die now. What about the Spring tournament? What about national? 

Their sun couldn’t die now.

Their decoy couldn’t die now.

It didn’t take long before Suga heard sobbing coming from some of the teammates. He himself could feel his own eyes start to blur over and he felt some tears escaping down his chin.

Suga glanced in Yamaguchi’s direction and to his surprise, Yamaguchi looked even more shocked than the rest of the team - if that were even possible – and blended in with that shock, he thought he also could see hint of concern? Like he was realizing something?

The sobbing went on for a while before they slowly quiet down. No one said anything yet, letting the news really sink in. After almost half an hour after hearing the news Daichi decided to break the sad atmosphere.

“That do explain why Hinata’s not here, but where is Kageyama and Tsukishima?” he asked Takeda.

“We were only told that they are taking some days of school after losing a loved one.”

“I wonder which loved one Tsukishima has lost?” Tanaka pondered. “That sure can’t be Hinata. That guy doesn’t even like him.” Nishinoya nodded in agreement. “Yeah, all he ever does is teas our little kohai."

“It can’t be Yamaguchi ether-“ Tanaka continued.”- since he’s here with us. Who else would be that close with that beanpole? Maybe a brother?” Tanaka thought out loud.

“No.” Yamaguchi said. The team looked over at him with questioning expressions. “They don’t have that close of a relationship. Tsukki and his brother I mean.”

“And you’re wrong. It makes perfectly sense.”

“What do you mean?” Tanaka asked questioningly. Yamaguchi went quiet for some seconds. Fiddling with the hem of the t-shirt, like he was wondering if it was okay to share the next information he held. Yamaguchi took a deep breath before his eyes meet the team.

“Tsukki doesn’t hate Hinata. It is quite the opposite. He loves Hinata to the deepest part of his heart.” Silence filed the gym once again. Everyone was shocked. Suga included. He couldn’t remember any affection in the teasing Tsukishima gave Hinata.

“W-WHAT?!?” Both Tanaka and Nishinoya shouted when they found their voices. “But why would he teas someone he loves?” Nishinoya asked. Confusion clearly showing on his face.

To everyone’s surprise Yamaguchi laughed at that. “That would be Tsukki being Tsukki. Stubborn about everything evolving feelings.” Yamaguchi shook his head. “For a long time, he was oblivious to his own feelings. Every time I mentioned something related to him being in a relationship with Hinata he tried to deny he had any feelings for him. I once asked him, after one of our regular homework sections with Hinata and Kageyama, if he liked Hinata. He glared at me and said ‘Why would I like a shrimp like him? He has too much energy and is too easy to read. And he’s an idiot.’ He didn’t fool me.” Yamaguchi snickered a little. Fondness in his eyes. “His glare was short and wasn’t as threateningly as it usually was. Plus, his cheeks had a faint pink color to it.”

Suga snickered at Tsukishima’s attempt to deny his own feelings in front of his best friend. He may have fooled everyone else, but Yamaguchi had clearly known him long enough to read through his mask.

“The funniest thing about it all, is that he claimed Hinata to be easy to read, but he was so oblivious to Hinata’s feelings for him that he was so surprised when Hinata asked him out.” That gave a new wave of shock through the teammates. They were more than friends? When did they even start acting like friends?

“Wait! Wait! Wait!” Tanaka said while waving his hands in front of his face. “So, you’re telling me that Tsukishima not only loved Hinata, but they also were lovers??” he stared at Yamaguchi in disbelief. And Suga had to agree, it was hard to believe that Tsukishima – the guy who only wore a board and an annoyed expression – could care for someone that deeply. But what was more surprising was that _Hinata_ had manage to hid it pretty well.

“Yes, and to be honest, I have never seen Tsukki this happy before.” Yamaguchi gave a shy smile.

“How long have they been together?” Asahi asked.

“For almost four months.” Yamaguchi said with a fond expression. Whitch changed into a sad one, and then in to a worried one.

“He must have closed himself in again…” he whispered. Some tears escaped his eyes. It broke Suga’s heart. First of all, knowing that Tsukishima’s love was so deep that he would close himself in, but, this had happened before?

“Again?” Suga asked. Yamaguchi was silence for a moment.

“In middle school I fell from a tree and hit my head so hard I was in coma for three weeks. The first week Tsukki had shut himself in his room, not sleeping, eating or speaking to anyone.”

“It wasn’t before Tsukishima-san managed to convince Tsukki that I would get better if he talked to me, that he finally got out of his room. He slowly started to sleep more and eat more, though that only happened when he was with me.”

Yamaguchi was quite for a while. No one said anything.

Small sobbing broke the silence. Yamaguchi’s hands covered his face.

“I don’t know how easy this time will be.” He said half sobbing half whispering.

No one knew what to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading :) 
> 
> The next chapter will hopefully be up next Sunday.


	2. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The flame shimmered so nicely, but also so painfully. Red, orange, and a little yellow. It fluttered in every direction but came to a stilled position after a while. It was beautiful but hid a sorrow. A sorrow that would never disappear. 
> 
> It shone like the sun but darkened like the black unknown when it disappeared. All hope and happiness disappeared, when the one you loved deeply left. 
> 
> In short; Tsukishima have closed himself and don’t want to talk to anyone, even Yamaguchi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is up! Yay! 
> 
> It is a bit shorter than the last, but I hope thats okay.
> 
> If you thought the last chapter was a bit sad, this will be even more sad.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

**ONE WEEK AND TWO DAYS AFTER THE ACCIDENT**

It had been days and Tsukishima hadn’t moved much from his spot. Only staring at the flame as it became brighter or dulled depending on the winds grip of the flame. He just sat there thinking of the painful memories that never left. Day in and day out. No practice, no school, no food, no sleep. Only him and the flame in his dark lonely bedroom.

Yamaguchi had visited many times trying to get Tsukishima out of his room, make him talk to him or to anyone from the volleyball team. Or to at least eat something, since his parents and brother hadn’t had any luck with that. Tsukishima had just ignored him, like he did with everyone else. Ether kept looking at the flame or not moving from the position under the duvet, back still facing the door.

This time was no different.

Tsukishima heard the door shut behind him. Footsteps coming closer to his bed stopping half way.

“Tsukki you need to eat.” Yamaguchi said, clearly tired of having this conversation. Tsukishima didn’t answer, like usual.

_If you’re so tired of having this conversation, why do you keep pushing_? He thought, not understand the purpose of this. All Tsukishima wanted was to be left alone. He didn’t have any energy left in him to do anything. Everything was dark. His light was gone. What was the reason to eat? To sleep? To do anything at all?

He’d finally found someone who loved him. Who liked being with him (Yamaguchi didn’t count). Who didn’t get scared in his present. Who for the first time made him happy he was born. Who made him smile a genuine smile. He’d finally found someone who was very dear to him.

And he lost it.

He couldn’t protect it.

Tsukishima clench his fist under the duvet. Angry at himself for not being able to save – no, to keep Hinata safe.

“You can’t lie her all day Tsukki.” _Yes I can._“ Your body need movement. It needs energy. Food.” _What’s the point? _ “You need to talk about what happen Tsukki…” _I rather want to forget._

Yamaguchi’s voice started to waver a little. “This is not good for you... please Tsukki… “he whispered. “Come back to school. Or at least practice. Everyone is worried about you. They’re wondering when you’ll come back.” Tsukishima heard small sobbing coming from behind him.

“I don’t want you to completely close yourself in again Tsukki”

_Again huh?_

Last time was different. Last time there was hope for survival. This time..

This time there was no hope. Hinata wasn’t laying on a hospital bed with a breathing mask attach to his face helping him breath. His heart still beating behind his ribs. This time, the heart had stopped beating before the ambulance had even manage to come. There was nothing the doctors could do.

The sobbing stopped, and Tsukishima heard him taking a deep breath in and out before walking towards the door.

“I just want you to be happy again.” He said a little gloomy, before he closed the door. Silence once again crawled in to the room and Tsukishima puled the duvet over his head. The smell of warm temperature and days worth of sweat floated in to his nostrils. He didn’t care. He felt his tears start to crawl down his chin.

There was no way he could be happy again.

There was no orange haired boy storming through the door with too much energy for a high school boy, excided to tell about whatever his brain manages to create. There were no orange haired boy arguing with him telling him that spiking was better than blocking. There were no bright shining smile smiling to him anymore.

There was nothing that could make him happy again.

There was nothing that could make this emptiness in his heart go away.

The world was to dark, only a little flame giving light. Lighting up all the memories of how much fun they’d had.

How much fun _he’d _had.

Every memory where painful when they came to life in his head.

His vision started to blur.

* * *

_“Come ooon! It’s going be fiiine.” Hinata said with a pout. Arms crossed staring up at Tsukishima. “I’m _not _going to fall! Am not a child!” With a cute little stump with his foot he turned around. __Walking towards the edge. _

_”I only want to look at the view.” He said with a soft voice._

_Tsukishima shock his head watching Hinata’s back with a fond expression. His heart couldn’t stop beating thinking of Hinata’s cute pout and little stump. Hinata had always been like that. Always jumping into danger without thinking._

_Hinata turned around facing Tsukishima again. Back facing the edge. He took one look at him, reading him like a mother reading her child. He folds his arms and shock his head like a disappointed mother._

_“Kei, Kei, Kei. You can’t see the view from all the way over there. Why don’t you come over here and see it with me?”_

_“No.” Tsukishima said, like a stubborn child._

_“Aww come on don’t be shy.” Hinata smiles_ _reaching out his hand._

_“I’m not sh-“ _

_Tsukishima’s words stopped in his mouth. He watched Hinata’s expression turn from a smile into horror._

_And before he knew it, everything he knew changed. _

_His heart never stopped beating. In one moment, it was beating of fondness, in the next it was beating from fear. _

_His body reacted faster than his mind. Probably thanks to volleyball, and always traying to compete with Hinata. _

_“SHŌYŌ!!”_

_But Hinata was a stamina monster, and Tsukishima has never been one to push himself. Only doing what was necessary._

_He wasn’t fast enough. _

_His arms where reaching out. Desperate to catch something that was Hinata. His hand or just a part of his t-shirt. __Something __that could calm his mind. _Something _that’ll prove to him that Hinata wasn’t leaving him._

_He wasn’t long enough. Even with his 190cm long body, he wasn’t long enough._

_All he could hear was Hinata’s scared voice scream his first name while falling further and further down. His voice disappearing with the wind._

_Tsukishima’s heart was breaking in to millions of pieces._

_He couldn’t save him. He couldn’t save Hinata. He couldn’t save the only precious thing he had. _

_Tsukishima fell on to his knees screaming Hinata’s name just hoping for an answer. Prof that he still was alive. His only response was silence. _

_Hinata was gone. His love was gone. His light was gone._

* * *

_Damn it! _Tsukishima pulled of the duvet and looked up at his plane ceiling. He shouldn’t have let Hinata go by himself. He should have joined Hinata to the edge. Then… probably… maybe… the both would still be together. In worst case they both would’ve fell.

What if they went to the cliff the day before, or the day after? Would things be different? Or what if they had chosen something else to do? Like swimming or bowling. Or maybe they just should have played volleyball like they usually did. Then Hinata would still be here, and Tsukishima wouldn’t be laying in his bed hating himself.

He let out a short scream before giving a heavy sigh, letting his eyes rest in to the palms of his hands. Trying his best to stop the flood of his tears. His eyes were tired after many sleepless nights, and crying didn’t help him at all.

He had long ago decided to no let emotion control him. His brother had showed him big time how painful that can be. Yamaguchi didn’t help when he went in to coma in middle school. After that incident he had made himself promise not to let anyone else get that close to his heart (and that Yamaguchi would never do anything like that again). He did not want to ever feel that helpless and alone ever again. It was too painful.

But then Hinata had to jump in to his life. This one smiling and energetic boy who wants to be friends with everyone.

And he had to fall in love with this ball of sunshine.

And he had to lose the only thing he ever loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading :)
> 
> The next chapter will hopefully be up next Sunday.


	3. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama is finally back to practice, but he doesn't talk.
> 
> Yamaguchi don’t know what to do anymore. He wants to help Tsukki. To get him out of the house and live a little again. But Tsukki won’t cooperate and Yamaguchi is running out of ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been a little harder for me to write, but I'm finally done with it! Yay!
> 
> EDIT: 18.okt. 2019

Kageyama walked in to school ground Thursday morning still not used to not having Hinata around. The mornings were boring and Kageyama felt out of place. Usually by now Hinata would either be sprinting past him, determined to be the first to the clubroom, or Kageyama would locate him and do the exact same thing.

'Till now, that had been a big part of his everyday routine. And if he were to be honest, those few minutes with Hinata, was one of his favourite times of the day, beside playing volleyball and drinking milk at lunch. Kageyama felt glum knowing that he would not experience those moments ever again. Knowing that he would never experience Hinata’s shouts for _one more_, or his big bright smile that warmed everyone’s heart.

After Kageyama was told about the accident, he closed himself in his room for four days. He didn’t know what to do about himself. He’d just lost his best friend. The only person he felt he could be completely himself around.

If it wasn’t for his mother, he would probably still be laying in his bed feeling bad for himself.

He’d returned to school, but he hadn’t felt like playing volleyball yet, so he’d skipped practice for the last four days. Today though, his mother had had enough of his behavior and forced him to practise. Like, literally. She had packed his uniform into his sports bag together with all the other things he needed for morning practice, giving him no other option than to put on his training cloths. Then she’d pushed his bento and breakfast into his hands, making him balance his schoolbag, sports bag, bento and breakfast while being pushed out the door and into the car.

When everything had calm down and he’d managed to put his bento in his schoolbag, his mother had spoken up.

“I know losing Hinata was hard, and probably still is. But I’m pretty sure that Hinata wouldn't wanted you to hide in your room all day. He'd wanted you to continue playing volleyball. Not only for yourself but for both off you. Play not for yourself but to honor Hinata and the player he was.”

And Kageyama had to agree with his mother. He’s pretty sure if Hinata had any opportunity to travel down from heaven just to drag him back to the court, he would. Hinata wouldn’t want him to just lay around feeling sorry for himself when there was nothing he could do with the situation. It wasn’t Hinata’s fault, nether was it his own or Tsukishima’s. It all had been an accident that no one could have predicted. As great it is to isolate yourself in your room and shut everything and everyone else out, you can’t stay there forever. At some point you have to stand up and face the world.

Kageyama arrived too an empty clubroom. He walked over to his locker and pulled out his water bottle and towel from his sports bag before putting the bags in the locker.

Entering the gym, he finds it to quiet. Usually the room was filed with the sound of screaming and running and balls smacking to the ground, but even the times when Kageyama manage to get to the gym before Hinata, it never felt this quiet… maybe… it was because his heart new that he would never hear the orange haired boy’s voice ever again…

He puts down what his caring and starts to jog around the court.

Normally sprinting against Hinata before practice would be enough as a worm up, but since he’s not here anymore and Kageyama has no energy to run by himself to the clubroom, this will be his new worm up from now on.

After five rounds he sits down and starts stretching. When he’s done he walks over to the end of the court and start practicing his jump serve.

Within ten minutes most of his team mates have arrived, and the majority of them was both surprised and happy to see him again.

The last of his team mates enters the gym and was as surprised as the rest of the team. 

“Kageyama?!” he glanced towards the voice. Suga was standing in the doorway looking his way with a face belonging to someone who’d just gotten what they’d wanted for years. It takes Suga some seconds to collect himself, before a big smile grows on his face.

“How are you doing?” Suga asks warmly, walking toward Kageyama. Kageyama only nods as an answer, showing that he isn’t completely ignoring him, before he throws the ball into the air, runs towards the line and jumps. He swings his arm with all his strength, his palm connects with the ball, and it sends the ball flying over the nett in full force. The ball hits the floor just before the court line.

He can feel Suga’s eyes on him when he doesn’t give him a vocal answer, but right now he isn’t in the mood to care. The gym brings up too many memorise, and it takes a lot from him just to stay focused.

“He’s been like that since he entered the gym.” He hears Nishinoya say. “He hasn’t said a word to anyone.”

Suga sighs. “Well, he has at least decided to come back, so I’m happy.” A sad atmosphere floats into the room and Kageyama notice that, besides Hinata, Tsukishima has still not showed up. He’s pretty sure he’s not going to come ether, after what Suga said.

Well, Kageyama isn’t surprised. Hinata did mean a lot to Tsukishima. He may not have showed it a lot to the team, but it was clear as day when you looked into his eyes. Every time he’s eyes were focused on the orange haired boy they looked at him with fondness and happiness. For a normal out stander, you wouldn’t notice the different, but Kageyama had been around Hinata and Tsukishima enough times to easily see the different between the teasing and fondness.

Not only did his eyes show fondness towards the little orange haired boy, but a lot of the times he was more relax every time Hinata were around. Especially at their homework sessions.

* * *

_“You look relaxed.” Kageyama said without looking up from his math equation._

_“What do you mean?” Tsukishima asked. His eyes never leaving Hinata._

_“Well, compared to volleyball practise your shoulders are less tens and you look more at peace.”_

_Tsukishima finally dragged his eyes of Hinata and looked at Kageyama puzzled, before a smug grin emerge from his face._

_“So, are you, like, looking me up?” he said with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Kageyama’s head snapped up faster than lightning, horror in his eyes._

_“Wh-what the heck! NO! I-I-“ Even though Tsukishima had a nice body, just the thought of doing anything with him made him sick to the core. Pluss his pretty sure that Hinata wouldn’t let him put a hand on Tsukishima._

_“Calm down King. I was just teasing you.” Tsukishima said before his face relaxed and drifted over to Hinata._

_“Well, to answer your statement. I may be a little tense when I’m around the team.”_

_“Anxious of what the team will think?”_

_“Something like that.”_

* * *

“ What about reading him something or make him play a game?” Tanaka suggested for the umpteenth time since they entered the clubroom. Yamaguchi was sitting in front of him crying into his hands.

“Already tried that” Yamaguchi answered for the umpteenth time between his sobbing. “He doesn’t even want to talk Tanaka. He only stares at the light on his nightstand or lays in his bed, back facing the door. He hasn’t even eaten anything for days!” A new flood of sobs could be heard coming from the freckled boy, and the rest of the team could feel the hopelessness Yamaguchi felt.

Just a few minutes ago the team had been greeted with a crying Yamaguchi walking in to the clubroom after practice. Tanaka and Nishinoya was traying their best to cheer the freckled boy up, but so far nothing had worked.

“I don’t know what to do anymore.” Yamaguchi cried. “H-he needs to know th-that his not alone. That w-we got his back. A-allow himself to feel. Dare to sh-show that he’s not o-okay in front of his friends…” he sobbed.

Suga walked over to Yamaguchi and putt a hand on his shoulder. “What if someone else form the team tried to talk to him?” he suggested.

“I don’t know…” Yamaguchi said, drying his tears. “Would he listen to anyone else when he won’t even listen to me, his best friend, or his family?” he looked Suga in the eyes.

“It’s worth a try.” Suga replied, smiling softly.

“I could try speak with him.” A voice said from the other side of the room. Every head in the room turned towards the voice. Facing the one person they least expect to volunteer, especially on his own accord.

“I... I think I know what his feeling.” Kageyama said back facing the team. “Hinata is… was... my best friend. He helped me be a better me. He didn’t care about the past me, he only looked forward. He was, still is, an important person in my life.” He turned around facing the team.

“I had a hard time accepting his death the first few days. I didn’t know what to do with my body. Usually I would run but I didn’t feel like it. I thought about playing volleyball but Hinata wouldn’t be there to spike my tosses. That thought made me even more depressed.” He paused a little before he continued.

“My mom was the one who convince me to come back. She told me that it’s better to grieve together rather than alone. At the same time, it’s also okay to have some time alone, to let the accident sink in, to forget the world while you pick up some of the pieces.”

Everyone was stunned. First of all, that Kageyama spoke, but secondly, that he was sharing his feelings.

“I’ll do it after practice tomorrow” he said, before he took his stuff and walked out the club door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! :)
> 
> The next chapter will hopefully be out next Sunday.


	4. Change in pace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama talks to Tsukishima. Will his words help him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry it took this long to post this chapter! I had a big writer block on how to end it, and my cuisine had baptism on Sunday giving me no time to work that day...
> 
> BUT, it is finally ready for you guys to read!
> 
> Thank you for your patience, and hope you enjoy this chapter! :)

Tsukishima was sitting in his bed staring at the light on his nightstand when the doorbell rang. _It’s probably Yamaguchi _he thought, not putting much thought in to it. Who else would choose to visit Tsukishima, more so, check on him?

He heard his mom great the person at the door with more excitement than usual. Well, maybe it wasn’t Yamaguchi. His mother had probably invited some friends over.

Don’t take him wrong, his mother was always excited to see Yamaguchi, but her excitement when her friends were over was on a whole other level. Her voice could be heard through the whole house and the chit chat could last for hours. Tsukishima would usually choose to stay over at Yamaguchi at those gatherings. Or he would turn the volume on high in his headphones trying to ignore his loud mother as best as he could.

His mother’s voice echoed throughout the house for some minutes before it slowly dissented. Tsukishima sat in silence for some more minutes, before someone knocked on his door.

He made no attempt to find out who it was, nor to let them in. His eyes only focusing on the orange flame in front of him.

The person knocked one more time before they decided to welcome them self in. The door open and Tsukishima was surprised to find Kageyama standing in his doorway. Kageyama took one glance at him before he spoke.

“You look like shit.”

_Well, I feel like one too. _He grunted to himself.

Tsukishima just glared at Kageyama, though it didn’t contain much heat.

Kageyama closed the door before he walked over to his bed. To Tsukishima’s surprise he felt Kageyama sit down on his bed together with him. Kageyama didn’t say anything for a while. Silence floating around the room.

“You know… It’s okay to be sad after you lost someone, especially one who is dear to you. It’s okay to take some days of to let what happen sink in, to calm down, before you collect yourself again. It’s okay to forget about the rest of the world while you’re bathing in memories of the good and the bad times. Thinking of ‘what ifs’ and ‘what I should’ve done’. And, it’s also okay to show people, like your friends, that you are not okay.”

Tsukishima was surprised at how much of what Kageyama said hit right at home. He glanced a look at Kageyama. He looked relaxed were he sat with his back against the wall, his head tilted upwards gazing at his plain celling. He’d crossed his legs and his hands were relaxing in his lap.

“Mom sad that.”

Kageyama gave a short glans at Tsukishima before he continued. His voice soft.

“She meant that we both mourn individually and together. Each person has its own way to grieve over a loved one. Some tend to shut themselves in, others seek comfort in the people around them. But regardless of how each person grieve you are not alone grieving over that person.”

“Hinata has his parents and a younger sister that is as deeply affected of his death as you are. He has childhood friends who have known him for a long time. He has his volleyball team and teams that feel empty without their ball of sunshine, and-“ Kageyama paused, looking down at his hands. His voice a little rusty when he continued.

“- and he has a best friend that doesn’t know what to do with himself anymore.” Tsukishima felt the atmosphere in the room change. It wasn’t a new feeling. He’d felt it a lot these past days. It contained a large cup of sorrow and longing for a certain orange haired boy.

Even if Hinata had been his boyfriend, he was also Kageyama’s best friend. Kageyama was probably one of the only people who truly new how Tsukishima felt. He wasn’t dumb enough to know that the rest of the team also was hurt and missed their little sun, but his relationship was so much different than what the others had. He’s pretty sure that no one of them felt it this deep to the core. Something he didn’t envy any of them at all.

Except, Kageyama also new this pain. Tsukishima could hear that much. That was what made all the words he spoke so much more believable.

Kageyama took a deep breath.

“Hinata loved you a lot.” he continued.

“He couldn’t shut up for a moment about how beautiful, and wonderful you were. How you made his heart go all gwhaa and gaddun gaddun every time you smiled or sad or did something cute.” Kageyama said with an annoyed face. Tsukishima’s heart jumped over a beat.

“Even though I can’t see everything Hinata saw in you, I know that you made him very happy. And, even though you didn’t show it much, he made you very happy too…” _Yeah, _Tsukishima thought. He had never felt more peaceful and content in his life. Hinata had been like the sun, lighting up his world and warming his cold heart.

“I know that the world is pretty dark right now.” Kageyama said.

“You are not the only one feeling that.”

Tsukishima rested his head against the wall. Trying to find something to say, for once.

“What made you go back?” he asked in the end, quietly.

“Imagine Hinata travel from heaven down to earth just to drag me back to practice.” Kageyama said with amusement in his voice. Tsukishima snickered a little. 

“He would definitely do that if he got the opportunity.”

“Yeah… he would..”

They stayed in a comfortable silence a little longer. Just listening to the whispering wind outside the window.

“Thanks.” Tsukishima said, breaking the silence.

“You're welcome.”

* * *

** _[AKITERU] 11:00: _ ** _I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!! KEI SLEPT THROUGH THE WHOLE NIGHT!! AND HE’S STIIILL SLEEPING!! Whatever Kageyama-san said yesterday must have helped him calm down or something. I don’t know what he said but I want to thank him form the deepest of my heart. My brotherly heart can’t take any more of his nightly screams._

** _[YAMAGUCHI] 11:47: _ ** _I’m happy_ _..._ _He needs his rest. I’ll tell Kageyama thanks for you _ _( ^_ _ω_ _^ )_

** _[YAMAGUCHI] 11:53: _ ** _Kageyama says it was nothing_ <strike></strike>

** _[AKITERU] 14:56: _ ** _KEI WAS EATING!!!_

** _[AKITERU] 14:56: _ ** _I found him sitting in the kitchen eating his favorit cereal! _

** _[AKITERU] 14:57: _ ** _Apparently he was on his third bowl!!_

** _[AKITERU] 14:57: _ ** _I’m so happy!!! _ _(_ _๑_ _>_ _◡_ _<_ _๑_ _)_

**_[AKITERU] 15:16: _**_His sleeping again ( ^__ω__^ )_

* * *

Monday morning Tsukishima woke up feeling fresher than he’d felt for the last two weeks. He’d even woken up before his alarm, something that rarely happened.

Tsukishima laid in his bed until his alarm rang before he climbed out of bed and got ready for school. Taking his bag, he walked down to the kitchen in hunt for some food. He opened the cabinet, took out his favorite cereal and poured it into a bowl. He took out some milk from the fridge and poured it over the cereal. Lastly, he took out a spoon form the drawer, took the bowl and walked over to the kitchen table and started to eat. With his mouth full he took out his phone and open the message app and texted his best friend.

** _[ME] 06:23: _ ** _Wait for me._

He put the phone back into his pocket and finished eating his breakfast. Bowl empty, he stood up and walked over to the sink. When placing the dirty dishes into the sink, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocked. He pulled it out and saw three messages from Yamaguchi.

** _[YAMAGUCHI] 06:31: _ ** _TSUKKIIII!!_

** _[YAMAGUCHI] 06:32: _ ** _You’re coming back!_

** _[YAMAGUCHI] 06:32: _ ** _I’ll be waiting _ _( ^_ _ω_ _^ )_

Tsukishima snorted at Yamaguchi’s excitement before he proceeded towards the entry way. He put on he’s jacket and shoes. Took his school bags and walked out the door, ready to meet the world. Not really.

Waking up Tsukishima hadn’t really been nervous, but now, walking to school, together with Yamaguchi, he was a nerve wreck. Though he didn’t show it, or he hoped it didn’t. He never knew with Yamaguchi. the boy had a way to see though his mask for some reason.

Tsukishima had been gone for almost two weeks without any explanation. What would the team think? Were they going to throw him of the team? They wouldn’t do that. Would they? Asahi was gone for over a month and he got to stay. But what if they knew about him and Hinata? Would they still accept him on the team? Would they still accept _him_? What if they thought of him as disgusting? He wouldn’t know what to do with himself then…

He hadn’t been training for a while ether. Would he be dragging the team down? Had he become worse since the last time he played? What would the gym feel like without Hinata? Would he manage to even be in the room? What if-

“You okay?” Yamaguchi asked looking up at Tsukishima, stopping his rambling mind. Tsukishima looked up ahead and saw the club room. He had been so deep into his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed that they had arrived at school.

The blond glanced down at the freckled boy trying to give his best annoyed expression.

“Of course.” he said, but Yamaguchi didn’t look convinced, though he didn’t push it further.

Entering the club room, the two boys were greeted with the team sitting or standing around Yachi. Walking further in Tsukishima saw that she was working on something on her laptop.

The laptop was sitting on a chair which was placed two third into the room.

“What is going on?” Tsukishima asked, his voice not showing any emotions. Acting like he always has been doing ever since he started high school.

The team stop what the we’re focusing on and turn around. A mixture of shocked and happy voices filed the room.

“TSUKISHIMA!” Nishinoya screamed running towards the blond. “You’re really back!!” Without his approval, Nishinoya took his arm and dragged him towards the others and forced him to sit in front of Yachi’s laptop. Yachi was kneeling beside it, looking more nervous than she normally was. She took a deep breath before she looked Tsukishima right into his eyes.

“Tsukishima. We know that this last couple of days have been some dark days for you.“ Tsukishima’s heart started to beet fast and _hard_. What did she mean? How did they know? _What _did they know? Are they going to throw him of the team? They were going to throw him of. Why would Yachi be the one? Wouldn't it be better if Daichi was the one?

“Therefore, we have put together a video to share some of our thoughts and memories of and with Hinata, and to have a way to honor who Hinata was and how much he meant to all of us who have been lucky to get to know him.” Tsukishima breathed out a silent, relieved sight. they weren't going to throw him of the team.

Yachi turned to face her laptop and clicked play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! :) I really appreciate that you take your time riding this fic. It means allot to me <3
> 
> The next chapter will hopefully be out next Sunday.


	5. Our guiding star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait...
> 
> I had a hard time coming up with different lines to the different characters so it took me a bit longer to write... Despite that, this is one of the chapters I've been exited to share with you!
> 
> So here it is! Hope you enjoy! :) 
> 
> PS: The whole chapter (minus the ending) is written like a video incase something is confusing.
> 
> EDIT: 21st November 2019

TITLE: OUR GUIDING STAR  
FILMED AND EDITED BY: YACHI HITOKA AND SHIMIZU KIYOKO

The screen goes form black to a video recording and we see Kiyoko coming from the left of the screen taking a seat on a chair placed in the center of the view finder. The video cuts and we see Kuroo sit down trying to find a comfortable position. The video cuts for the third time and Daichi comes in and sits down.

The screen goes black. We hear Yachi speak with a soft voice before it cuts over to Kiyoko. There is soft music playing in the background.

YACHI:

_What was so special about Hinata?_

Kiyoko’s eyes are focusing on the lens, smiling a little when she answers.

KIYOKO:

_He was always smiling. It made me really happy every time he was in the room. _

KUROO:

_He didn’t show any fear when he was meet with people double his height on curt. It was very admirable._

We see Daichi think a little before the video cuts again. The new recording takes us back weeks. The team is practicing, and they are already halfway in to the set. The camera glides slowly from the left side towards the right. 

DAICHI(voice over):

_He doesn’t take shortcuts when he wants something. He goes all in_ _._

A little over half way we see Hinata run the fastest he can towards the net before he jumps. The ball lands in Kageyama’s hands the exact time and there is no time to react before the ball is smashed to the ground.

We see Kenma fiddle with the hem of his hoodie before he speaks in a low and soft voice.

KENMA:

_He wanted to be your friend no matter what, and he didn’t expect anything back from you. _

AKAASHI:

_He was always happy. It made the room warm._

He gives a small smile. The video cuts.

This time we are outside walking in the street. Houses are lined up on both sides and slowly passes bye as we walk forward. In front of us we see Tsukishima walk on the left side, Hinata in the middle, and Kageyama on the right side. Hinata is holding hands with Tsukishima while talking to Kageyama enthusiastically.

YAMAGUCHI(voice over):

_His smile. It made me happy too, whenever he was around._

We see Tsukishima give Hinata a fond look before he gives a respond to whatever Hinata said. Hinata swirls around and is up in Tsukishima’s face, still holding his hand.

YACHI(voice over):

_He was easy to be around._

Tsukishima just smiles at him, while Kageyama snickers. The camera shakes a little form the person filming laughing. Hinata pouts and crosses his arms and starts to walk a little faster than the others.

KAGEYAMA(voice over):

_He could get the most insecure and grumpiest person to have fun._

Tsukishima shakes his head in a fond way and Kageyama just snickers even more. Tsukishima walks up to Hinata, bends down and kisses him on the cheek. When Hinata turns his head, his face is bright red, and Tsukishima just laughs. He intertwines their hands again and starts walking. Hinata still bright red.

The screen goes black and we can hear Yachi’s soft voice.

YACHI:

_What is your best memory together with Hinata?_

Bokoto thinks for a short moment before his eyes lights up.

BOKOTO:

_OH!OH!OH! That time Hinata spiked a block-out against Kuroo, Tsukki, and Lev! It was sooo cool I had to teach him a new trick!_

NISHINOYA:

_The first time I saw Hinata do his crazy quick! It was so cool I couldn’t even look away!_

Stars shining in his eyes. The video cuts.

Karasuno is play against Nekoma at summer camp. We see Hinata jump up to block an a-quick. He manages to get a touch on it and the ball floats back for Nishinoya to receive. 

INUOKA(voice over):

_Hmmm... my best memory with Hinata…_

Hinata’s feet hits the ground and he sprint to the left, makes an act likes his going to jump but changes his mind and sprint to the right, past Kageyama, and jumps.

INUOKA(voice over):

_That must be the first time I tried to block [Hinata’s] quick. At some point I had so much adrenalin trying to get to the top before him!_

We see Inuoka run to the right at the same time, together with Hinata and jumps, one arm stretched out – an attempt to block the ball.

INUOKA(voice over):

_The first time I manage to stop [the quick], I got so excited to try and block the next one! It was so fun I forgot that we were even rivals!_

The ball floats towards Hinata, and stops, before his hand connects with the ball and smacks it to the ground past the blockers. Hinata cheers, together with his team mates.

The video changes and the camera glides over a cafeteria filled with different volleyball teams mingling together while eating. The camera stops at a table where players from both Karasuno and Nekoma sits. 

ASAHI(voice over):

_Ehm… probably when [Hinata] tried to get me back to playing volleyball. His words helped a lot to get rid of my fear and guilt that laid on my heart. _

We see Hinata eagerly stuff his mouth full of rise. As the camera zooms in on Hinata, he perks up from something Nishinoya said and he looks at him with his chipmunk-like cheeks and innocent look. This makes Nishinoya burst into laughter, leaning his head backwards while holding his stomach.

ASAHI(voice over):

_If it hadn’t been for Hinata, I may not have continued playing volleyball. _

The camera zooms out and we can see several of the others around the table laughing together with Nishinoya.

ASAHI(voice over):

_I keep wondering how this year would had been, if Hinata and Kageyama had not showed up in front of my classroom, trying to convince me back._

Nishinoya gives a comment to Hinata which makes Hinata take both his hands under his chin while he looks from side to side looking like a squirrel checking if the era is safe. This gives a new wave of laughter around the table.

Nishinoya laughing hard while leaning backwards on his chair. At some point his chair gives and Nishinoya disappears behind the table, making his team mates laugh even harder.

The video cuts back to the interview recording and we see Lev sitting on the chair thinking deeply.

LEV:

_Oooh.. when [me and Hinata] eat watermelon with Kenma at summer camp! It was so funny to see him try and shot the seeds out of his mouth! _

Lev gives a big laugh at the memory.

TANAKA:

_Ooh! I got a good one! That time Hinata and Kageyama manage to spike the vice principal toupee of on their first day!_

Tanaka says trying to keep his laugh in check, which fails, and he howl out in laughter at the memory. We can also hear laughter coming from behind the camera from some of the other team mates.

The video turns black for some seconds before it turns into a shaky recording of a buss seat and the floor. In the background we can hear the faint sound of a motor, snickering teens, and snoring. The camera lifts up and we see rows of buss seats with the Karasuno team sitting in between.

The person behind the camera walks two rows back and the camera is focused on Hinata and Tsukishima. We can hear a faint sound of the boys around snickering at the sight.

SUGA(voice over):

_That one-time Hinata fell asleep on the bus, clinging to Tsukishima. *chuckles*_

In front of us we see Hinata sleeping soundly glued to Tsukishima’s right arm like a koala. Drool hanging from his left corner, and his cheek smooshed into his arm. 

SUGA(voice over):

_It was really cute and funny. _

Tsukishima is leaning against the window, headset on his ears, and eyes closed. The camera shakes a little from the person filming laughing. The camera turns towards Tanaka who is trying his best to hold is laughter at minimum volume.

The video cuts and we see Suga siting on a chair, eyes focused on the lens. We hear Yachi’s soft voice behind the camera.

YACHI:

_What will you miss the most now that Hinata is gone?_

SUGA:

_I’ll miss his energetic and innocent personality._

YAMAGUCHI:

_Seeing him play together with the team._

KENMA:

_His frequent messages and friendliness._

The team is gathered outside Ukai’s shop and we see Daichi come out with two brown bags with meat buns in. Hinata runs towards Daichi vibrating with excitement as Daichi gives one of the bags to him.

AKAASHI(voice over):

_I’ll miss his smile._

Hinata opens the bag right away and shoves a bun into his mouth. Someone gets his attention and Hinata turns around, meat bun sticking half way out of his mouth.

KAGEYAMA(voice over):

_Having [Hinata] spike my fast sets._

Right at that moment we see Kageyama storms up to Hinata with an angry looking face. Hinata not scared at all just shoves the bag at Kageyama right before he manages to get a hold of his T-shirt, and smiles up at him.

KUROO:

_I’ll miss his openness. It made you want to trust him._

NISHINOYA:

_Seeing him spike._

ASAHI:

_His determination to always do better._

YACHI:

_His friendliness._

We find us in a classroom with mattresses and bags spread over the floor.

The camera is zoomed in on Hinata who is talking excitingly with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. His arms are going everywhere, Yamaguchi is snickering, and Tsukishima is more focused on his book.

DAICHI (voice over):

_I'll miss his determination._

At some point Hinata catches eyes with the camera and stands up. Eyes focused on the lens, he walks towards the person filming like he just found his prey.

KIYOKO(voice over):

_I’ll miss his presence and energy._

With his head bowed down, face serious, and his torso wiggling from side to side, he walks slowly towards the camera. This act of his makes his team mates behind him burst into laughter.

TANAKA(voice over):

_I’ll miss his bright smile._

About one meter from the camera Hinata sticks out his tongue, closes his eyes, and pulls at his ears, making a weird grimace. This makes the person filming laugh which makes the camera shake. Between the shaking we see Hinata give a big bright smile.

The screen goes black and we see a text be written in white.

TEXT:

_Hinata._

_Thank you for your happiness and warmth. Thank you for your determination to get better. Thank you for your fighting spirit. Thank you for always being yourself. _

_We are incredibly happy that we got to know you, and we’re going to miss you a lot. _

_Your spirit will forever live in us._

_Love, from your team mates <3_

The screen turns black.

\---

The room was silent. No one from the team expected this much of the video. Originally there were only the interview from the teammates, but to get flashbacks with Hinata together with them? It made the video even more emotional and special.

You could hear small sobs coming from most of the teammates. Tears were dripping slowly down Tsukishima’s cheek.

Daichi open his mouth to say something, but as he does, a voice can be heard from the speaker, making everyone’s heart stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know; through all the memories with Hinata there is no sound except where the sound is described.
> 
> I also want to thank some of my HVC friends on discord for helping me out with some of the lines! I'm very grateful!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and hope you had/have a great day :)
> 
> The next chapter will hopefully be up next Sunday. 
> 
> I'm attending a wedding on Saturday so the next chapter might come out later next week too. We'll see :) At least you guys know this time :D


	6. Someone special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback from Hinata's perspective : )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is up and ready to be read! Hope you enjoy! :)

_Hinata slid off his bike, not caring how harshly it fell to the ground, and ran up to the entryway before he stopped and took a deep breath – trying his best to calm down his worryingly heart. _

_As much as he wanted to storm through the door and up to Tsukishima’s room, he did not want his parents to think something was wrong. He knew better than to do so. It would make the situation much easier for him if they didn’t know at the moment. He would, of course, inform them afterword’s – when everything was as okay as it could be – but right now it was better left unknown to their loving hearts. They had trusted him to take care of him and taking care of him he would._

_Tsukishima was never one to share his feelings, even to his family. He never asked people for help, always determined to do things on his own, whether it was work related or taking care of his health. _

_So, whenever Tsukishima reach out to him, Hinata took it very seriously. It was him he needed at the moment, it was him he wanted, and it was him he trusted himself to in his most vulnerable state. _

_Hinata pushed the doorbell and waited for someone to open the door. He tried to take deep breath to calm down, but it was hard. Especially when you knew you boyfriend was hurting. Right. Behind. That. Damn. _Door_. All he wanted was to slam the door open and run past the living room, up to Tsukishima, and pull his boyfriend into his arms._

_But he couldn't do that. That would be to suspicious. And we did not want that._

_ It took too long, Hinata concluded. He needed someone to open that freaking door. Right. Now. And fast. He tried to wait patiently, but he was never known to be a patience guy._

_In reality, it may have only taken about a minute or less before the door was open and he was greeted by Tsukishima-san, but for Hinata it felt like an eternity._

_He put on his biggest smile and greeted the woman._

_“Kei is in his room.” She informed with a smile. He thanked her before he ran up the stairs and towards his boyfriend’s room. He stopped in front of the door and knocked softly._

_“Kei... It’s me… I’m coming in.” He spoke with a calm voice before he opened the door slowly._

_Up on entering the room he saw Tsukishima laying on his bed curled into a fetal position. His long legs folded up under his chin, his arms wrapped around his legs, and his head bowed down close to his torso. Small sobs could be heard coming from the boy. _

_It was weird seeing Tsukishima like this. Seeing the normally stoic, annoyed, and board teen so week and vulnerable, and, Hinata, he absolutely despised it. His heart was crying too, and he felt so sad just seeing his love so... broken. _

_Yet, he had this weird feeling of pride seeing Tsukishima like this._

_He felt special. _

_Honored, to be allowed to see this side of the stoic boy._

_Tsukishima was not one to show emotion or reach out for help. He put up walls to protect himself, and his heart. He let few in, and few had the possibility to see over his walls. He was determined to do things on his own, and always wore a mask over his feelings. _

_That’s why Hinata felt extremely honored those few times Tsukishima actually called or texted him for help. First of all, because he actually reached out, but secondly, for the one reason, that Hinata was the first person on his mind to contact._

_There is something very heartwarming knowing that a person is willingly reaching out to you in their most vulnerable state. In moments when life gets too much, and they need someone to lean on just to be able to stand up. It’s something heartwarming knowing that you are the chosen one. The only one with the key to the door. The only one who are allowed into the depths of their heart. There is something very special when a person doesn’t feel the need to pretend when things are not right when you’re at their side. It’s something very special when you become someone’s safe space._

_Some may not show it much, some may deny it, but the truth is, that we all crave for affection. May it be in big potion or small. May it be platonic or romantic. Our body is always in search for it. We are not created to be alone. We are humans and has always lived in packs. _

_We are always in need to share when we’re happy. We are always in need for comfort when we are down and feeling sad. _

_Some of us may put up a mask to hide our negative thoughts, our sorrow, our unperfect side. But deep down there is a longing for acceptance, understanding and to be loved._

_We put on masks and build walls to protect us from hate and judgment. We put up acts and change ourselves to fit in. We work hard to be seen as strong. And we choose to carry all the bags ourselves without double rounds._

_So, for a person to just open up the door to the deepest, most private chamber in the castle, just for you? You can’t help but feel special and honored._

_Hinata walked over to Tsukishima and climbed onto his bed and rested his back against the wall. He reached out his hand and stroke his fingers gently into the blonde’s hair._

_“Kei…. I’m here… It’s okay…”Hinata said softly. _

_Up on hearing the orange haired boy’s voice Tsukishima turned around and curled into his chest. Hands clenching onto his t-shirt, new tears running down his cheek, making the t-shirt wet. _

_Hinata continued stroking his finger through Tsukishima’s hair, relaxing his body and humming to a slow song._

_He open his mouth and started singing._

> _I'll leave a light on for you_  
_In the darkest of the nights_  
_ When your pulse is racing_  
_ And the world won't make you run_  
  
_ Now it's been forever_  
_ I don't wanna wait too long_  
_ Now that we're together_  
_ I will never do you wrong_  
  
_ Just lay it all on me_  
_ Lay it all on me_  
_ Just lay it all on me_  
_ Lay it all on me_

_The boy’s tears had slowly calm down. Hinata’s fingers still tangled in the blonde’s hair, scratching softly around his scalp. Tsukishima’s head resting on Hinata’s torso, an arm wrapped around it. Legs tangled together. The room silence. Only calm breathing from two boys breaking through the air._

_“Can you sing another one?” Tsukishima asked quietly._

_Hinata smiled, looking down at the puddle of blond._

_Most of the times when they were together, Hinata was the one who found himself curled into the tall middle blocker chest. He had no complaints about that. The blond teen had an amazing chest and Hinata loved every moment he had with his Kei and the wonderful head scratches he got. Tsukishima was truly the best to give calming scalp massages. _

_Even though he loved those moments, he found himself loving more the times Tsukishima was the one curled together on his chest. He loved watching down at the bundle of blond hair, curled upon his chest (or his lap), and just see his whole body relax. It was a whole other feeling compared to be on the receiving end. _

_His mother had mentioned it to him before when he was younger, how giving was better than receiving. At that time he did not understand what she meant, since he loved receiving gifts and surprises. But now he had to agree with his mother. Especially after he and Tsukishima become lovers. Hinata loved to do small things to show how much he loved Tsukishima. To be able to give presents he knew Tsukishima would love. To have the opportunity to make someone happy just by giving them something small or do something little, it made Hinata’s heart burst from happiness._

_So, he smiled looking down at the puddle of blond before he rested his head against the wall, hummed a yes, and started singing._

>   
_There's a place beyond the furthest cloud_  
_There's a message in the wind_  
_ And when you dream that big_  
_ You're not afraid to live_  
_ There's a place where all the stories begin_  
_ Begin with you and me_  
  
_ Feels like the world is turning_  
_ A little bit too fast_  
_ Holding on to what I get_  
_ To make this moment last_  
  
_ I'd rather paint the world bright_  
_ Than see in black and white_  
_ It's never too late to look up_  
  
_ There's a place beyond the furthest cloud_  
_ There's a message in the wind_  
_ And when you dream that big_  
_ You're not afraid to live_  
_ There's a place where all the stories begin_  
_ Begin with you and me_

_They lied together in silence for a good while after that. Tsukishima’s head resting on Hinata’s torso, his arm wrapped around it. Legs tangled together. And Hinata’s fingers slowly stoking Tsukishima’s scalp. _

_“Thank you.” _

_Hinata bent down and kissed the top of his head._

_“Always, my moon.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have noe credit for the lyrics written in this chapter. You can find the whole song her;
> 
> Lay it all on me - from Carole and Tuesday:  
https://open.spotify.com/track/25t80hMBAXgWNMfqAOWwey?si=jk56ftU6QzO3lFRJqy8kcg
> 
> Message in the wind - from Carole and Tuesday:  
https://open.spotify.com/track/0hGwdjRG0aADdjzGB8csR6?si=jgweAqAdSFK8Gg8jo7lysw 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading :)
> 
> The next chapter will hopefully be up next Sunday. And that may be the ending for this story, if my brain doesn't come up with more contest :)


	7. The moons light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: MARRY CHRISTMAS/HAPPY HOLLYDAYS all of you beautiful people! Hope you have had wonderful time with family/friends/house pets/who every you celebrate with! I've had a great time!
> 
> Secondly: I'm SOO sorry for the long wait, but I needed it to gather up some energy. This chapter is the longest of all the chapters so I hope that is enough as an apology  
( ^ω^ )
> 
> If there is something that is unclear don't hesitate to ask. If necessary I can make some changes to make it clearer for the future readers.

** _LAST TIME:_ **

_The room was silent. No one from the team expected this much of the video. Originally there were only the interview from the teammates, but to get flashbacks with Hinata together with them? It made the video even more emotional and special. _

_You could hear small subs coming from most of the teammates. Tears were dripping slowly down Tsukishima’s cheek._

_Daichi open his mouth to say something, but as he does, _ _a voice can be heard from the speaker, making everyone’s heart _ _stop._

* * *

The screen still black, a boy’s voice can be heard.

BOY:

_Hey... Yachi..?_

YACHI:

_Yeah?_

The screen comes to live, and we see Yachi sit at her desk working on some volleyball poster drafts. Hinata is sitting on her bed, deep in thought while fiddling with his fingers.

Yashi stops what she’s doing and faces Hinata.

HINATA:

_Do you… do you think Tsukishima l-l-likes me?_

He asks shyly. Yachi stands up and walks over to Hinata, smiling warmly at him. In front of him she squats down, takes his hands in hers, and speaks fondly to him.

YACHI:

_I think, no one cannot like you._

_Not even a board looking guy like Tsukishima._

HINATA:

_But do you think he likes likes me? Like, your heart going all gwahh and gaddun gaddun-like?_

The screen change into a clip form the future. Tsukishima is relaxed against the back of the sofa. Hinata is sitting sideways on his lap, head resting against his chest sleeping soundly. Tsukishima’s left hand holds around Hinata’s torso, and his face is focused on the TV screen (we can see light illuminate of the wall and everything in front of the wall), the hand not holding around Hinata’s torso is massaging Hinata’s fingers.

YACHI(voice over):

_*chuckles* Yeah… I think he do._

Not far into the clip we see Hinata try to snuggle deeper into Tsukishima’s chest in his sleep. The blond teen looks down at the orange hair of a mess and smiles fondly at him. His left hand hugs him closer before he continues to watch the TV.

The screen turns black and we hear Hinata speak nervously. The nervousness is a bit different than the last time.

HINATA(voice over):

_Is it on?_

The black turns in to a camera recording. The recording is shaky, and we can see something resembling wood and floor and hands, but it’s really hard to put together what we really are supposed to see.

It lasts about seven seconds before the screen turns black again.

YACHI(voice over):

_Yes. You can start whenever you’re ready._

The black turns in to a stilled recording. This time it shows the volleyball court. The team are in the middle of practice. The screen zooms in on Tsukishima right before he’s about to block. His face focused.

A deep breath can be heard before the screen turns black for the third time.

HINATA(voice over):

_Okay. I’m ready._

The screen comes to live, and we see Hinata sit on his bed, back leaning against the wall, legs folded and his hands resting in his lap. His eyes are directed at the lens. He is smiling one of his bright smiles, blended in with a fond expression. With an unusual soft voice, Hinata starts speaking.

HINATA:

_Kei. My big dinosaur nerd. My space nerd. My big jerk._

_My moon._

_I know it is only four months, but I wanted to make this video anyway. I feel dumb doing this, but I know you’ll love it. I know you know that I love you, but I want to say it anyway._

_I love you. To the moon and further._

_I love your beautiful eyes, your genuine smile, your teasing, your awkwardness, and I love your muscles (his cheeks turns a deep shade of red while he smiles embarrassingly). _

_I love when you scoot me closer for a side hug. I love watching dinosaur documentaries with you. I love how relaxed you are at our homework sessions together with Kageyama, Yamaguchi and Yachi. I love our quite times. I love holding your hands. And I love how my heart always go gwahh and gaddun gaddun whenever I’m with you._

Hinata stands up and walks out of the view. We can hear a drawer open and then close before Hinata comes back into view. He looks down at the object in his palm. What the object is, is unknown.

HINATA:

_You can be stingy, and sometimes it’s hard to read what you’re thinking, but I don’t necessarily want you to stop being that way. It is a part of who you are, and I love all of you. It can be annoying, but it is enduring. _

Hinata smiles a soft smile.

HINATA:

_I want you to have this. _

Hinata holds up his folded hand. The object is still unknown.

HINATA:

_Like a reminder that I will always love you, and I will always be with you even though I’m not there physically. I will forever live in your heart, and you in mine. _

_I really love you Kei. And I know you love me too._

_Thank you, for choosing to stay._

Hinata smiles fondly into the lens. The screen turns black. One or two seconds go bye in silence before we can hear Hinata’s voice start singing, accompanied with soft guitar tones.

_(for best experience listen to the song [her](https://open.spotify.com/track/0hGwdjRG0aADdjzGB8csR6?si=VQW2vPxHRs2HcuNfEPpzlw) at the same time reading the lyrics)_

_There's a place beyond the_ _furthest_ _cloud_ _  
There's a message_ _in the wind_ _  
And when you dream_ _that big_ _  
You're not afraid to live  
There's a place where all the stories begin  
Begin with you and me  
  
There's a place beyond the furthest cloud  
There's a message in the wind  
And when you dream that big  
You're not afraid to live  
There's a place where all the stories begin  
Begin with you and me  
  
Feels like the world is turning  
A little bit too fast  
Holding on to what I get  
To make this moment last  
  
I'd rather paint the world bright  
Than see in black and white  
It's never too late to look up  
  
There's a place beyond the furthest cloud  
There's a message in the wind  
And when you dream that big  
You're not afraid to live  
There's a place where all the stories begin  
Begin with you and me  
_

_It may seem like forever_ _  
But all hope's not gone  
And when your melody stops playing  
I hope you sing this song  
  
I'd rather paint the world bright  
Than see in black and white  
It's never too late to look up  
  
There's a place beyond the furthest cloud  
There's a message in the wind  
And when you dream that big  
You're not afraid to live  
There's a place where all the stories begin  
Begin with you and me_

* * *

_Kei!! Come listen to this song. It’s really beautiful! _

_Keeei! Caatch meeee!!_

_Hey… it’s going to be alright. You’re going to be okay._

_Kei? I love you soo much!_

_Hey Kei! Look at this weird stone. It looks like a Gorgeousaurus!*_

_I love you to the moon and further Kei._

The memories flooded his mind and Tsukishima couldn’t keep his mask on much longer. His head fell forward and into his hands. His tears started to flood full time for the umpteenth time these past days. This time though, he let it flood. He didn’t try to stop it. He didn’t try to stop the memories. He didn’t try to act like nothing was wrong. Because, that was far from the truth.

He let go. Just allowed himself to feel.

For the first time since the accident Tsukishima didn’t feel empty. For the first time since the accident his heart couldn’t stop beating warmth into his body. Even not here, Hinata found a way to cheer him up. Even not here, he found a way to melt his heart. Even not here, he still manages to shine….

A smile started to creep up his face as Tsukishima started to laugh a little between his sobbing. Hinata was unbelievable. Always doing the unexpected.

_I love your muscles. _

Tsukishima felt his chin heat up, spreading to the tip of his ears, remembering what Hinata had said.

“That idiot..” he muttered to himself while shaking his head.

* * *

The team looked at Tsukishima cry, sob, smile, laugh, _blush!. _Every emotion blending in to one. To say the team was shocked was an understatement. Was this really Tsukishima Kei?? Their stoic, board and annoyed middle blocker? Who never let other people see his emotions? It was hard to believe.

To stunned to do anything, they watched Tsukishima’s emotional turbel. After who knows how long, Yachi walked up to the blond teen.

* * *

Tsukishima felt someone put a hand on his shoulder. He looked up, meting Yachi’s hazel brown eyes.

“You know… Hinata has always been compared to as a sun. He’s hair and personality always lighting up everyone’s day and warming our hearts.“

“But, I also think he is our star. He guides us through hard times, on court and of court. He gives us warmth and happiness on good days, and he gives us comfort and safety when we have a bad day. And just like a star, he will keep shining long after his gone.”

Tsukishima felt another hand on his shoulder. Yamaguchi sat beside him, arm stretched out holding some paper. Tsukishima took them gladly.

“Thank you.” He said with a croaky voice.

Yachi smiled at him before standing up and walked over to her bag. She digs around a little before she pulls up a small object and walks back to Tsukishima.

“For about a month and a half ago Hinata asked me for a favor. He wanted to do something for you to celebrate your fourth month together.” Yachi smiled softly. “He said he didn’t have the patience to wait for the half year mark, so, he had decided for himself to do it for the fourth instead.” Tsukishima chuckled a little. Hinata never really had much patience when it came to waiting.

“Either way.” She continued. “He asked me for advice for what he could do. I recommended he could give you something, but he wanted to do more. So, I suggested he could make a video, tell you what he felt about you and show some clips of you two together. He got really excited about that idea, buuut also extremely nervous.” Yachi chuckled a little, before she got serious.

“He’d planned to show you that video first. Then, give you this.” She opened her palm and planted the object in his hand. Tsukishima’s heart started to flutter. The same fluttering he got every time Hinata surprised him with something unexpected.

He looked down at the object in his hand, and his heart stopped. In his hand lied a beautiful golden chain, and clipped to the chain was a golden sunflower with white diamond petals. In the middle there was placed a moonstone in a late night blue sky and cloud white color.

Just looking at the necklace made Tsukishima calm, and he felt more relaxed than he had for over two weeks. And he knew. He knew he would be okay. Because even though his heart was heavy from losing Hinata, he wasn’t alone. Nothing could ever fill the spot Hinata had, and it hurt thinking of all the times they had together, but, rather than hide from the world, he would always have his teammates, his family, and Hinata’s family. Together they would slowly pick up the broken pieces and glue them together. There would always be one piece missing, but that way they would never forget.

Hinata was their sun and shone like thousand stars. His personality lighting up everyone’s day and warming their hearts. He’s light guiding them through hard times.

Hinata gave them warmth and happiness and good days, and comfort and safety on bad days.

He was their light through the day, warm and bright.

And he was their light through the night, beautiful and reassuring.

Just like stars shine for years after they’re dead, Hinata would keep on shining, guiding them though life.

Warm, reassuring and comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still have no credit for the lyrics written in this chapter.
> 
> *I know that Gorgeousaurus is actually written Gorgosaurus, but I thought it would be fun if Hinata had misread the word and thought it was Gorgeous-aurus not Gorgos-aurus and just keeps calling the dinosaur that even after all the time tsukishima corrected him.. 
> 
> A funny fun-fact is that Gorgosaurus actually means dreadful lizards. The two words have two quite different meanings lol. It would be a funny story to write the first time hinata learned the word hehe.
> 
> Here is what the neckless look like: https://i.etsystatic.com/8048631/r/il/189ffd/1204002106/il_570xN.1204002106_2kry.jpg
> 
> thank you sooo much for reading this story, all the kudos, and all the comments! It really means a lot to know that there is some who love/like this story as much as I do.
> 
> This is the end of The Light, but as you might have seen I have put this story into a series. I have a little epilog I want to write. A little interaction mostly between Tsukishima and Natsu, but also Hinata's family. I don't know when that would be up, since I have a lot of other fanfic's planing, but this isn't the end of this story. there is also som other side storys I'm thinking of but they have not reach the storyboard yet.
> 
> If you have some idea of a scene that you want to read and I can make into a one-shot don't hesitated to give me a comment. I've made an Twitter account (@allybally10) if you want to talk to me there or you can just put it in the comments under😊
> 
> If you want to read more of my storys don't forget to subscribe to my user and be patient!
> 
> I love all of you and thanks again for taking the time to read The Light!
> 
> Goodbye for now!

**Author's Note:**

> The story comes originally from a school task I had in ninth grade written in my native language. Since the text wasn't originally English there may be weird wording and places I could have written the sentence differently. Therefor I'm happy for any correction that will make the story even better.
> 
> Any question? I'll try my best to answer them in the comment below :)


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